Benjamin Begin Again

A Sputter. A Start. A Sputter Again.

Author

Grue Shackelford
May 14, 2025

Two years ago I started a Substack only to abandon it because for a litany of reasons, such as:

  • Impostor Syndrome

  • AuDHD Fun Time Default Settings

  • Fascism

  • Becoming a 40-year-old mother

  • Becoming a 40-year-old orphan

  • Major Depressive Episodes

  • Grimace Shake-induced Hyper-Doppelganger Syndrome

Before that, in a different time and land, I ran a LiveJournal (and before that a Blurty. All relics and fossils now) for 8 or so years. Daily. Sometimes more than one post a day.

And then I started grad school and put such childish things away and that was that. I think I told a classmate I had an LJ and she laughed and said how she used to have one until it was uncool, which made me feel uncool because THIS WAS GRADUATE SCHOOL, THE BIG LEAGUES. DO YOU WANT TO BE UNCOOL?

(spoiler alert: I was still uncool. I remain uncool. The nice thing about being 40 is it doesn’t bother you anymore)

That’s the rub: just what’s so special and important about me and my life that anyone would want to waste their time and read such drivel? Why am I compelled to share stories, thoughts, observations, and who the hell knows what else when time and time again folks have made it very clear: I am uncool, uninteresting, and very unimportant.

And yet…here we are. As I shed most of my social media platforms and curated personas, I am drawn back to a long form TL;DR mode of communication. Because 150 characters is never enough. Or a 1-minute video. Or a blurb. Or a blip. There’s no nuance, no discussion, no exchange of ideas in good faith.

The Internet has, surprise surprise, made all of us a lot more stupid.

Insert that one meme about SOCIETY here. Yes, I'm on the Internet - bitching about the INTERNET.

Sue me. You won’t get much, though.

So here we are, again. Strating over. Again. And I can’t make any promises. I’ll be happy if I can churn out a post once a month. And it’s not like I’m lacking in ideas - it’s quite the opposite. My brain never. shuts. down. Maybe that’s the problem: everything is trying to make a mad rush to the exit, only to get trampled and bottlenecked like it’s a 1979 Who concert.

JFC, I really need more culturally relevant metaphors and references…

I warned you kids I was uncool…